oh, that surge of pride stirred reminiscences in her. how many times had she made the same case in front of people like barron, insisting she did fine on her own and needed neither job nor shelter from the innkeeper, even as she lived on the rotting carcass of a ship ? circumstances had changed since then — her life had changed. still, it wasn’t the kind of thing you could just forget. ❛ then think of it as cushioning your funds if it pleases you, w.d. i read the papers, you know. i listen around. that’s how show-business works. as long as barnum does fine, so do you. but just in case it crashes and burns, i’d like to be certain neither of you find yourselves destitute. i hated people who expressed so much as the will to help me, you know. when i was anne’s age, a little younger. i don’t plan to drown you in jewels and gold bars. if you won’t use the money, which i understand, then save it, do whatever you’d like. just keep it somewhere you can reach if if you need it. ❜ this was as much of a compromise as she was willing to make, it seemed, and she punctuated it with another drink that burned her throat on its way down. she slid the bartender another bill, accepting one last bottle in return.
lila’s gaze sharpened at that, the woman crossing her arms in her seat. ❛ because i want to help people like us, and you know full well people like us rarely ever get into orphanages. it’s the poorhouse, or the street, and from there anyone’s mercy and your own two hands. oh, and a noose if you’re careless or clumsy. ❜ she’d resorted to stealing. the wheelers had to work at an age upper class sons and daughters were still schooled. and there was nothing for her to do now but go out and find the children she’d been, and spare them the same struggle.
❛ truth be told, i’ve not the faintest idea how to handle that. ❜ she snorted, raising her eyebrows at w.d. ❛ still don’t know how my daughter managed to turn out the way she did, with me raising her. probably took it all from her father. ❜ these words disguised a deeper crack, the underlying fear that came with knowing she was much better at preserving her own life than that of others, the possible consequences should she unwittingly fail anne. ❛ someone has to pave the way, ❜ lila said grimly. ❛ i’m not saying it should be anne, or you. god knows i’d rather know you’re both safe. but the war ended not so long ago, and things are changing, slow as it may be. i can keep arguing my head off with english diplomats, but america’s another can of worms entirely. ‘course it was worse in my ma’s time. i do believe it can get better. ❜
she understood w.d’s concern all too well. as much as she wanted to believe carlyle had nothing but good intentions towards anne, years of ingrained caution pushed her into assuming the worst before she was proven wrong. lila poured herself another glass, gaze somber. ❛ i know someone like that, too. trusting and kind and prone to see redemption everywhere he can find it. he’s the best person i know, but he matured into it. she’ll be alright, i think, as long as you can look after her, even from a distance. the experience will come. if i can teach her only the good parts of the rest, i will. ❜ perhaps it was the alcohol speaking, temporarily untying her tongue, but she found herself babbling again. ❛ d’you trust that boy, phillip ? not just with anne, with everything. i know barnum does, but i’m interested in your opinion, not his. ❜
❝ if barnum crashes and burns, we’ll pick right up where we left off. they always need more hands at the shipyard. ❞ for as much as w.d. was stubborn about wanting to take care of himself and anne, he’d grown accustomed to the life being part of the circus provided. while the increased salary was more than welcome and the one bedroom flat they’d managed to afford rent of was beyond what he’d expected, the other perks were far more rich. having a family dynamic, close friendships, being able to perform and see how happy it made anne to be doing what she loved. going back to their old life wasn’t going to ruin them. they were survivors. however, it would break their spirits. he knew that much. ❝ i’m sure anne has been storing the gifts you give her away. she’s smart. ❞ w.d. relented. for as stubborn as he was in insisting lila keep her money, he was acutely aware that anne had the opposite view. for what lila gave them monetarily and through wisdom, w.d. knew they would never be able to repay her with anything - or if they could, it would be through anne’s quick wit and smarts rather than his own self.
❝ in fact, i caught her the other day teaching a kid how to read. didn’t even know she knew how to read the fancy texts, ❞ w.d. laughed, a hand running over his head with a hint of embarrassment. he’d never learned to read beyond the very basics needed to get through life, same with writing. while anne had spent more time at home with their mother, learning more than he’d had the patience for, there was only so far their parents could take their education as former slaves. ❝ if she wouldn’t protest so much about leaving, i’d say take her with you and give her the education she deserves. ❞ a solemn smile fixed over his face at the prospect. anne was too old to force to do anything, not that he would have forced her in the slightest. yet, he feared that her intelligence was being wasted somehow and he’d not noticed it until too late. his hand shifted, resting on lila’s shoulder with a soft squeeze. family was a difficult subject to deal with for both of them in different ways. ❝ if you treat her half as well as you do us? i have no doubt why she turned out well. you’re a good woman, lila bard. for as much as i protest against your help, it doesn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated. ❞
a warmth of affection rushed through him, perhaps exasperated by the introduction of more alcohol to his system running down into his stomach. ❝ as long as things keep changing and people want it to change? then that’s fine by me. barnum is doing a good thing giving a platform for those usually hidden. minds are changing slowly. we can’t expect miracles. ❞ of course, w.d.’s own prejudices against the rich and privileged were, perhaps, not aiding in creating a more equal society on his part. it was why he’d been skeptical of the likes of barnum, hesitant to entertain the idea of phillip having good intentions and certainly not hesitated in giving any protesters a piece of his mind - and fist. ❝ i can only do so much. she was easier to protect as a child, ❞ w.d. admitted, watching lila’s expression closely. while he’d been a child himself, he’d shouldered the role of being her brother and guardian without hesitation. however, he’d never considered that outside of her youth, anne growing into her own person with a stubborn mind and an open heart would be the most challenging.
❝ he seems... adequate, i suppose, ❞ the trapeze artist answered with as much diplomacy as he could. ❝ part of me still doesn’t believe he’s really in this for the right reasons. he just turned up one day, following p.t. like a lost puppy and all of a sudden we’re supposed to accept that this rich, white boy is in charge when barnum disappears? ❞ a scoff left him. of course, phillip had given them the chance to go to london and meet the queen, but w.d. was still convinced it had been all an act to try and gain their trust. he hadn’t remotely considered the implications that it could bring. he didn’t consider that anne and himself were usually not included in those types of events. the privileged mind didn’t understand their plight, not properly. at least with barnum he’d lived their life, even if he was no longer a part of it. ❝ he’ll hurt anne. over and over. and she’ll let him because she has too much trust. ❞ w.d. sighed once more, shaking his head. ❝ you see something in him i don’t? ❞
