what the “do not disturb” status probably means: i just dont like the bleeping noise. i will respond when i see your message though how i interpret the ominousness of the little red dot: talk to me and i will rip your fucking nuts off

Timeless Duel

lich king voice: we here to fuck shit up

Hey, I have an art blog!

My Magnum Opus

cowboy love story

this town……….is big enough for the two of us

When you’re daydreaming about kinky shit in public and you suddenly you’re like “what if someone here’s a mind reader!!!”

I just thought that was the world’s most powerful hotdog

I haven’t posted anything in quite some time but I swear that I’m alive and arting. here’s Satleron my mage!

It’s apparently time for smooches, because it’s Septembersmoo! He’s fine, Simon.

wlw culture is not wanting to fuck a goddamn clown

harley quinn

#where’s the version with “turn down for what” slowly ramping up in the background

me acting surprised when shadow syndicate invites me to their guild for the 100th time in an hour

the way he sighs in satisfaction at the end and says “my life is perfect” truly warmed my heart this is hilarious and so cute

he remembers bane from batman but not his family members—mood

House Windsor: Take note. A challenger approaches. 

Schoolgirl discovers ‘Excalibur’ sword in lake from Arthur legend

Source

“Strange women lyin’ in ponds…” and other Dennis the Anarcho-cynical (not a typo) Mud-Farmer quotes notwithstanding, I’d like to think the Lady of the Lake would select the new “Rightwise King (Monarch) Born of All England” by providing something better than a mass-produced and discontinued Spanish SLO.

Maybe this was a trial (though not dry) run - if so, Matilda and her Dad should get back to Cornwall / Kernow ASAP.

Although on second thoughts, last time a Matilda laid claim to the English throne there was civil war and anarchy. In fact there was THE Anarchy, which made for a good novel by George Shipway (”Knight in Anarchy”, what a surprise) but by all accounts wasn’t a lot of fun otherwise.

(The “rightwise king born of all England” business was on the Sword in the Stone (and anvil, everyone forgets the anvil) which apparently wasn’t Excalibur at all. A war memorial, perhaps, as T. H. White suggested. What the Lady of the Lake was waving about was a different sword entirely, and the really important bit was its scabbard, which granted invulnerability, or undefeatability, or a reliable broadband signal 24/7…)

Maybe the one in Dozmary Pool was lost during some Arthurian re-enactment - or maybe it was deliberately chucked away by someone who’d hoped for something better on their birthday, because when I saw what Matilda found…

…I recognised it as this…

…from here.

Noble Collection sells movie merchandise nowadays, but back then they sold decorative wall-hangers (SLOs - sword-like objects - is the less kindly term) made by Marto of Toledo among others, with frequently-spiky fantasy blades, ornate cast pot-metal handles and ooh-shiny! gold plating. However their version of “Excalibur" - it’s there on the cover - looked sensible enough to feature in the TV movie “The Librarian”.

Though the catalogue calls the sword found by Matilda a “medieval two handed sword” it’s based, more or less, on a Renaissance “Federschwert” sparring blunt (the flare above the guard was balance-compensation for not having a full-width blade.)

Here’s a real one.

Not especially Arthurian, whether Arthur was Clive Owen’s Romano-Sarmatian, Oliver Tobias’s Dark Age Celt or Nigel Terry’s High Middle Ages Anglo-Brit.

Apparently there are now also synthetic Federschwert from various sources.

At least they won’t rust when chucked into ponds. The Lady of the Lake likes low maintenance as much as anyone else…

…A little while before dinnertime this groan of “Oh, GAWD” came from upstairs. Then the sounds of the bookshelves being ransacked, and more mutters of “Why couldn’t it have been something nice in the water for her…”

(sigh) Another day in Sword Central.

sword tumblr lies sleeping beneath the hills, awaiting a time of great need

listen i’m not out to ruin fun and jokes by reblogging this version, i’m mostly just impressed that someone recognized this one specific manufacture of a prop sword

What do you call a Troll Erection?