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i don't know if i'm worth all this

@poteryalsoldat / poteryalsoldat.tumblr.com

Bucky Barnes | The Winter Soldier mcu canon. highly selective. private, but open to more mutuals.
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do you ever get so annoyed at everything that you start to get pissed off at even little things like a spoon clinking against a bowl or sounds of people talking  

I think it’s called sensory overload. It’s really common in people with anxiety

it can also be a result of sleep deprivation, stress, or ever dehydration !!

thanks i thought i was just a bitch

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Wanda smiled and felt her cheeks burning a bit at the mention of her glasses and she lowered her head for a minute and adjusted them again, feeling entirely self conscious about it but giddy as hell at the same time, “yeah, yeap Wanda.”
When he brushed off the soap off her cheek her smile dropped and her eyes stupidly lingered over his lips and then looked away, feeling worse than a second before and looking down at the dishcloth in her hands. “Yeah, I was–We just had dinner. Did you eat? We have leftovers. I mean, I’ll call my dad so you can-yeah–do that.” Could she be even more stupid? Why couldn’t she think of him as one of those models she could boss around if needed be? He certainly was as attractive as the damn models. Heck, he probably could easily have a career like that.
Enough. “Please come on in,” she said again. 

When Wanda finally invited him inside he stepped in. “If he’s busy with something, you can tell him there’s no need to rush. I don’t mind being entertained by his lovely daughter.” He headed for the kitchen after shooting her a smile. He had been in their home before, just never alone with Wanda.

“What did you have for dinner?” he asked curiously. “Your dad always has the best leftovers the next day when we’re in the office.” Bucky had quite the opposite. He lived on his own and he wasn’t much of a cook, so he did a lot of take out. And he hadn’t had a chance to make an order yet today, so the idea of eating something homemade had his stomach growling.

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“Surely. Nothig a good night of sleep and herbal tea can’t heal,” Wanda replied pursing her lips in one of the fakest smiles she had ever produced, though she dropped it after a single look from her father.
She was genuinely trying and failing to see why this prince had caught Steven’s attention and realized it was probably a man thing. Because so far he had been nothing but pompous and vain–adjectives used to dewcribe her on first encounters too. And certainly the prince didn’t know she was here to ensure her father did as the King wanted, because her father was turning into a big softie and the duty to see this through fell on her.
Men.
Another look from her father stopped her from declining the king’s proposal and with a sigh she answered she’d be delighted.

“Wonderful,” he said, offering her his arm. “The garden’s here are exceptional. Take care of the gardens was something my mother always enjoyed and my sister likes to take care of them...at least, sometimes. It’s mostly the servants, honestly.”

Once they were out of the main room, he glanced back over his shoulder at the woman accompanying them before leaning close to Wanda. “I would really appreciate it if you didn’t mention the fact that I spent some time with your brother.” He put some distance between them again. “Besides, it wasn’t as if it was anything serious.”

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Wanda wet her lower lip giving him the best impression of ‘annoyed as hell by the mere fact you’re breathing near me’ look she could muster, even though deep down–very deep down–she didn’t really mind being dancing with him. Actually, he was a pretty good dancer. And annoying him would make this party at least a little less shallow and exhausting. Maybe. 
“Because you’d feel the same way if you were forced to wear high heels,” she retorted holding back the thought of stepping on his shoes with said heel just to prove a point.
“Besides I’m not here by choice. I made a deal with dad,” she added, not really sure why. She didn’t have to provide that information, not to him anyway. “What is it to you anyway Barnes?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re hot when you’re annoyed?” Bucky asked, leaning in to speak in her ear. He was being honest, she really was, but he said it because he knew it would only further push her buttons. He couldn’t help but annoy her more if she was already in one of these moods. “And I don’t think anyone wants me to be in heels. You on the other hand...”

He pulled her closer as they danced. “Oh, so I have your father to thank for this...” He smiled at her and daringly let his hand slip a bit lower on her back. “Wow, Maximoff, you are certainly in a mood. And here I was just trying to have a good time with you.”

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“Your sister likes me? That’s nice,” Wanda asked surprised and endeared about it. She had never been very popular and yes, there were people going to the gym after school hours to practise but she never thought some kid would even know who she was–regardless of how good her grades were or how she competed in martial arts. Martial arts weren’t cool, not after the first wave of overexcited kids wanting to make the smae moves they saw in movies realized that took hard work anyway.
Even though she liked it, even though she was definitely leaning her head to the other side and kneading at his side, even though his skin felt warm under her fingers and her breathing was getting faster she tried to make a case against the hickey. “I–I can’t show up at your home with a hickey,” she muttered before something embarrassingly similar to a quiet moan left her lips, feeling how her cheeks flushed darkly after that. Pulling his head from her neck, she pecked his lips, “seriously,” she breathed out before kissing him deeply and bringing her entire body closer to his.

“Yeah, she seems to idolize you or something,” he said, playfully rolling his eyes. “She keeps asking my mom if she can learn martial arts, but ma says she’s only got time for ballet which just makes Becky more moody than the average fourteen year old girl.” He really liked it though. It gave him no doubt that his usually annoying little sister would like his girlfriend this time around. And he felt like it would help his parents realize that Wanda was a good influence and that would make them more likely to be okay with the time he was spending with her when he was still definitely under punishment.

He pulled away from her neck reluctantly. “Fine,” he said, only smiling because she kissed him. He groaned at the feeling of her body against his, pushing his hips harder against her. “So if I can’t give you a hickey, what would you like to get up to down here?” he asked mischievously.

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“I’m not the only who thinks you should be grounded,” Steve retorted standing his ground. He wasn’t gonna yield and if he had to get Bucky kicked out of the program in order to get him to live a little longer, he will gladly do it and walk out himself.
“You’re not as charming as you think you are. And you’re slipping and people are catching on but I guess they rather have you overdosing than pull you out. At least for now,” he hated that getting to space was more important than the wellbeing of the only family he had left.
“And what if the dick hasn’t seen combat huh? He’s still a hell of a good pilot even though he’s a complete insult of a man. But that’s not problem here, is it? The problem is that you have seen things and won’t talk about them. Tell me Buck, please just tell me and let me help.”

Bucky put his hand on Steve’s chest to push him away. “I don’t want to fucking talk about it.” He hated even thinking about it and now that Steve had mentioned it... But he couldn’t talk about it. What was it about that that Steve didn’t understand? Remembering the time he had been captured sent chills through him.

“You can’t help,” he spat out. “No one can help. There’s nothing to help. I went to war and I was a POW, there’s nothing more to talk about. I’m trying to get into space and that’s all that matters.” Even if every time he closed his eyes he saw things. But they were things he couldn’t talk about. He just had to deal with them himself.

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Wanda could see that the confusion was really dragging him down and that it wasn’t based on wedding jitters like Padme’s. He was truly unsure of going through with this and in that moment she decided to screw it.
Taking a step closer to him she squatted next to him taking his hand, “James are you sure you want to do this?” She knew she shouldn’t be adding more doubts to him than what he already had but she wasn’t about to sit back and watch them make a mistake this big.
“The producers are far less important than your future happiness don’t you think?” Setting a lock of hair behind her ear she went on, “if you are not sure, if you somehow believe that… that things aren’t okay, then you can call it off. They won’t make much of a fuss, not really. They’ll pretend they will but they won’t. It will still make good ratings and that’s all they really care about.”

Bucky looked at her as she took his hand. No, he wasn’t sure he wanted to do this at all, but...he had signed up for it. He had made a commitment and he didn’t take that lightly. He had never walked away from something simply because it made him uncomfortable. Though, this was severely different than going through with something as a soldier. He was bringing someone else’s life into this. Maybe it would be better for the woman for him to not go through with this?

“Yeah...I suppose they are less important,” he said, his brow furrowing. He watched her as she spoke, considering what she was saying carefully. “I mean...I still have a little while to think about it. Wedding’s not for a week, right? I don’t want to call it off yet. Maybe I’ll come around?”

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“You said that already,” Wanda quipped pressing her lips together and feeling her cheeks blush a little. Was he nervous? He didn’t look that nervous, but it seemed he might. Either that or he had that thing where you forgot what you said five minutes ago. 
“Sure, thanks,” she said taking a new cookie and nibbling at it as he spoke. He had really lovely eyes and broad shoulders and a very pleasant attitude. He was hiding, that was a given and she was curious to know of what but she shouldn’t meddle in his mind. Everyone had ghosts and things they were running from and she was the perfect example of it. 
Also, she was able to put up one hell of a fight if he turned out to be some serial killer–they were always the charming guys in movies. 
“They have a really good apple pie, maybe too much cinnamon in it but good. And eclairs. Really good eclairs,” she went on. “We also serve food and is on the cheap side. And I could lend you my discount.”

Bucky found himself blushing when she pointed out that he had repeated himself. He hadn’t meant to, but trying the make casual conversation with her wasn’t the easiest thing for him. He hadn’t done this in God knows how long, but he knew he had been good at talking to girls before. He just wished that was one of those things that he could remember more of.

“Sorry, I don’t...” he looked down at his lap, frowning. “I don’t talk to people all that often.” Besides the old lady that gave him cookies, he actively tried to avoid talking to people. The less people he knew, the less likely it was that he would be found.

“I like eclairs,” he commented softly before taking a sip of his coffee. When she mentioned her discount, he laughed softly and leaned towards her. “Well, I’d hate to be using you for your discount for coffee and pastries, but...well, I guess I’d be all right with that.”

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Wanda wasn’t sure where to go–she didn’t want to get too far from Olivia even though she knew Draco would look out for her but she couldn’t well take a wanted man to Malfoy Manor. Because that’s what Bucky was for most of them–not for Steve or herself but for most of the people at the Ministry.
Taking his hand she nodded an okay and took a deep breath, apparating them far from muggle London and into the outskirts of Sheffield, shielding their magic with the tricks she had learnt during Auror training. 
Once they reached their destination–a back alley near an abandoned factory not too far from the main road she let go of his hand. “Are you feeling okay?” she asked, resting her back on the wall behind her–she loathed apparating with all her heart. 
“We need to get you somewhere safe,” she started, “and you need to tell me what happened.”

Bucky was a little disoriented by the side-apparation, but he felt a bit better than Wanda looked as she leaned back against the wall. “Are you?” he asked. He remembered her taking her apparation classes when he had been in his last year at Hogwarts, but his seventh year always got a bit fuzzy when he tried to think about it. The numerous Imperius curses had done a good deal of damage to his mind and made certain events difficult to remember.

“Is there anywhere that’s safe?” he asked. He doubted there was. At least, for him. The ministry wanted to take him in so badly that they had even reached out to the muggle Prime Minister. His picture, his expressionless face that had been captured off a muggle recording device, was occasionally shown on their television boxes.

“What happened?” he asked softly. “I...I got home after seventh year and my parents were missing. Apparently Death Eaters had been looking for them to turn them to their side, but they found me instead. I wasn’t willing, so they disarmed me and knocked me unconscious. From there, it’s a bit...broken up.” He closed his eyes, his brow creasing. “I know they used the Imperius curse on me, but no one will believe me Wanda. I need to go to Romania... I just wanted to see you before I left.”

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There was nothing she rather be doing either. Wanda did not want to think of her family, of her brother lost to the Dark Lord, her father doing what he did best, students and parents dying or disappearing left and right… It was too gruesome and she didn’t want it anymore. She just wanted to be okay with James, far away from here. 
Taking a deep breath against his chest, she wet her lower lip and looked up at him. “I’ve been thinking that uh–” she was nervous about that other thought that had been plaguing her but she wanted this with him and there may not be a tomorrow after all, “that maybe we could skip the Hogsmeade visit and uhm..stay. Most people will leave so we’ll–I mean if you want.”

Bucky looked down at her curiously as she spoke. He couldn’t imagine why they would skip the Hogsmeade visit at first until her tone turned even more nervous. His brows rose quickly and he had to keep his smile from turning mischievous. “Yeah, I think that would be a good idea,” he said, pressing another kiss to the top of her head. “I’d like to spend some time alone with you.”

He leaned down a bit more, bringing his lips near her ear. “Though I didn’t realize how naughty you’d become,” he teased in a whisper, his breath running against her ear.

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Wanda nodded with her lips pressed together in a soft smile and stood there on his lap as he slept–his chest moving up and down under her head and his steady heartbeat making her sleepy as well. But she couldn’t sleep–she shouldn’t sleep so she waved her hand and picked her book, trying to focus on something other than how good he smelled and how warm he felt.

It bothered Bucky that he could find the Quidditch pitch completely deserted. Yes, they had been informed that Quidditch would be on hold for the year because of the Triwizard Tournament, but it didn’t mean that no one could train. But he guessed that they were far too interested in whatever nonsense was going on with the champions and interacting with the foreign students. He didn’t mind the Beauxbatons students too much, but he avoided Durmstrang. Which wasn’t particularly easy since his house seemed to be the one offering them space. Draco and his followers were obsessed with the Durmstrang students because of the rumors that they were taught Dark Arts at their school. Bucky, on the other hand, had heard enough about the school from relatives that he was quite fine keeping his distance.

Mounting his broom with a quaffle in hand, he quickly rose into the sky, looking out over the seats for Wanda- who was almost always there when he practiced. Even when she had schoolwork to be doing or an exam to be studying for. He let a little smile grow as he thought about napping on the couch with her as she read. He was sure their housemates were talking about them, not that that was an odd occurrence, but they didn’t seem to dare to even whisper anything while he and Wanda were around.

He spotted her after a few moments and flew towards the goal posts, throwing the quaffle through and then diving to catch it on the other side. He then raced his broom over to where she sat. “And there’s my favorite fan. Wanna hop on?”

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[ bucky sanders ]
Bucky really felt like he was getting somewhere with Wanda today. She was much more easy going and it made him wonder if all she had needed the whole time was a nap. But he guessed that it didn’t matter. Things were going well now and that was all he cared about.
He took out a frying pan and sprayed it with cooking spray before setting it on the eye of the stove. He grabbed the bread and cheese and started making the first sandwich. When she joked about not running in the same circles as the First Lady, he laughed and shrugged. “You never know…”
After flipping the first sandwich with the spatula, he glanced her way as she sat on the counter, his brow arching mischievously. “Of course you can, but be careful,” he paused, smirking as he checked how grilled the other side of the sandwich was, “I might start to think that’s an invitation to eat you.” He gave her a quick wink and then just smile. “As for the story…well, it’s pretty simple. I had turned the eye on before spraying the pan and when I went to do that, I sprayed too close to the flame.” He tapped the stove top. “It’s why mom insisted on me having electric here. Because I’ll always be the little boy who nearly burned down the house.”
Wanda watched him cook and was too aware of how her cheeks had gone close to purple when he said that eating you part, a nervous chuckle leaving her lips to cover just how sweaty her palms were, how nervous her entire being was. What was she playing at? 
A small, cynical part of herself was trying to justify this in the back of her mind saying that if he was focused on her, then he’d stay out of trouble and she’d have less work but most of her knew for a fact that was complete rubbish and that she wasn’t sitting on his counter as a way to lure him in and make her job easier, no. On the contrary, she could very well kiss her job goodbye if this got remotely somewhere which, of course it couldn’t because she’d be lying to him and that’s no way to have anything. Not that he would have anything with her. Okay, so maybe he would, because he was making her cheese sandwiches and looking particularly relaxed but…
She couldn’t do this, could she? And she could definitely not keep this quiet either–not for long. And what if something did happen, huh? What if he actually liked her? She was lying–she was already breaking his trust because she wasn’t just a student. But she couldn’t blow her cover. She couldn’t blow her cover.
“Well, it’s a good story,” she offered with a small smile, looking away from him and towards her feet, dangling from the counter. “I don’t think I ever set anything on fire though,” she commented with a frown, “I did burn both of my palms when I was six, but that’s cos I was trying to help,” she shrugged it off looking back at him and at the cheese grating. “You’re pretty good at that, hmm?”

It didn’t take him long to grill the sandwiches, so soon enough, he had both sandwiches put onto plates and was about to cut them. “In half or in quarters?” he asked before cutting his own sandwich into quarters. It was how his mom had always made them for him when he was a little boy and he couldn’t help but keep it up. Plus, in the instances where he had soup with his grilled cheese sandwich, it made it easier to dip the sandwich when it was in quarters.

He moved past her to put the frying pan into the sink. “So...are sandwiches being eaten on the counter, at the table, or in the living room?” he asked. “If we eat in the living room, we could put on Netflix...” He waggled his brow a bit mischievously. Had it been anyone else, he might have said they could Netflix and chill, which was apparently code for hooking up. But this was Wanda and it was already shocking that she was over at his apartment at all.

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“You wouldn’t take no for an answer, that’s not average healthy behavior,” Wanda commented corking her head to the side, playful but not entirely wrong. “Very, very far from that I’m sure,” she purred setting her arms around his neck and feeling her breath catching in her throat when he pulled her even closer than before. She meant to answer ‘I believe you were’ but he didn’t give her any time to do so and kissed her roughly, making her moan into the kiss as she pulled him closer to her and let herself fall into bed, bringing him with her.

Bucky grinned at the tone in her voice as she set her arms around his neck. He was glad that this encounter was going the way it was, though he couldn’t quite say what it was that had him so intensely attracted to her. Maybe it had been the feeling of her fangs in his neck, he had difficulty getting just the thought of that out of his mind. It almost felt as though she had claimed him, even though he knew that was nonsense.

When she pulled him onto the bed with her, he laid over her, pressing his body firmly against hers. He was quickly growing hard, but he moved down, focusing his attention on getting between her thighs again. After quickly ridding her of her pants, he pushed her thighs apart and leaned in closer to her. “Oh, yes, this was definitely where I was about to go.”

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Wanda was watching a show with the CC on over her phone when she received Becky’s message and replied quickly asking for the address. Getting up, she picked the ear pieces that were sitting on her night table and held them in her hand, before asking Steve if he could drive her somewhere.
Explaining the situation a bit Steve asked if she’d be okay and avoided–or tried–not to be all giddy about the fact that Wanda was not only holding her earpieces and considering wearing them but was willingly going out to that guy’s house. He had checked him out and seemed a-okay, and his sister was a nice girl so he was mostly happy about it and drove her there.
Wanda hesitated when they reached the place, her earpieces on her hand and a small bag with her baked cookies. “We can go back. They’ll understand,” Steve whispered reaching for her hand but she shook her head. “No, I’m fine. Really,” she said pecking his cheek and taking a deep breath and setting her earpieces in her ears, ignoring Steve’s smile and getting out she rang the bell and eventually walked into the house, leaving Einy and Steve with Becky before making her way to what Becky said was Bucky’s room. 
“James?” she asked softly making her way to where he was, trying not to bump into anything and taking a seat beside him, brushing his arm lightly. “Hey. I brought you cookies.”

When Wanda walked into the room, the cat moved away from Bucky and moved over to rub against Wanda’s legs, circling back around to her other side and staring back at his owner. He meowed up at Wanda, but stayed back, not approaching Bucky again.

Bucky slowly looked up when Wanda spoke. “Wanda...” he said softly. His brow furrowed, confused about why she was there, but it didn’t take very long for him to realize what had happened. “I’m sorry... Did Becky ask you to come?” He exhaled slowly. “You probably had other things to do.” He tried to relax himself, bringing his legs down from his knees being bent and he did his best to relax the tension in his arms.

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