“She would rather kill herself than go on, she decided one night.”
"She would rather kill herself than go on, she decided one night."
Or, Why Shipping Dany/Drogo is Problematic
For some reason the Dany/Drogo ship is one of the most popular in the fandom. I must ask: why? This ship is one of the worst in the entire fandom (along with Sansa/LF) and yet it has a legion of followers who willfully ignore the very problematic parts of the relationship. Well, that needs to change. Now.
(Massive TW for Rape and Abuse)
(Dedicated to youngermorebeautifulqueen)
Agreed. And I’d like to add, if you don’t mind, my thoughts as to why Dany romanticized the relationship.
As you said:
I think it was because the reality was too horrifying to face, so she pushes the truth away and makes up her own version of the truth. Better that than facing the fact that your husband was abusive.
I think that’s definitely a part of it. However, she is eventually able to admit that Viserys abused her, so I think there’s more to this, and I think it’s pretty simple.
Once Dany got pregnant, Drogo began to treat her with affection and respect. As you already mentioned, Dany is 13/14 and has been abused, neglected, and living in fear her entire life up to this point. She has probably never experienced affection or respect before, and IMO, she’s desperate for them.
Note, for example, how quickly she bonds with Jorah. Once he proves he’s on her side by ignoring Viserys’ orders (there’s a great meta about that moment), she immediately considers him a friend…probably the first friend she’s ever had.
When she becomes the mother of the Stallion Who Mounts the World, not only does she have Drogo’s respect, but suddenly that of the entire khalasar as well. Suddenly she has agency, respect, a bit of power.
To Dany, her time with the Dothraki represents the first time in her life that she experienced affection, sexual pleasure, friendship, family, agency, safety. Of course she romanticizes that - if she didn’t, if she really admitted that her whole relationship with Drogo was tainted by marital rape - then she would have to accept that has never truly been safe and happy in her entire life. That bright spot, along with her grandiose dreams of the Iron Throne and her firm belief in her right to rule, is what keeps her going…letting go of it would, I think, create some serious psychological trauma for her.
Eventually, when she has grown a bit and settled into a stage of her life when she does feel safe and happy again, she might come to accept her marriage to Drogo for what it was. But probably not, and certainly not any time soon.
